Sleepless nights are a basic expectation when we all start out as parents. Many of us believe that as our kids grow, sleep-issues will fade away. While some parents are living that dream, we hear from many parents of children in preschool, elementary and even high school whose children are struggling. Some stay up until very late at night, some consistently end up in their parents beds and some can’t wake up for school in the morning.
A lack of sleep can result in decreased learning, depression, increased use of stimulants and inattentive driving by your child. While activities, homework, social opportunities and technology eat into available sleeping hours, establishing clear expectations and routines around sleep supports and teaches values of health, responsibility and safety.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is trying to force kids to go to sleep. In reality, we can’t make anyone sleep and when we try to, we are just asking for a power -struggle. We can provide clear expectations and consistency around sleep routines, involving our children in the process. Kids need to know when it’s lights out and the pattern of steps that lead up to that point. For younger children that may include a statement, “It’s ok if you can’t sleep, but your head needs to stay on the pillow.”
Bedtime can be tough; each family member is tired and patience is wearing thin. For that reason, plan a script for yourself so that you can react to problems with respect and calm,
“Bedtime routine starts in 5 minutes. What’s the first thing you’ll do then?”
“It’s time for lights out – I’ll see you in the morning.”
Never is a script more necessary than when dealing with the middle-of-the-night-invaders. It can be incredibly difficult to follow the plan when you are rudely awoken from a deep sleep. Planning for this circumstance needs to take place during the day when everyone is at their best. Discuss strategies for the child to use upon awaking in the night. Determine your role – you will quietly (and consistently) walk the child back to bed without turning on lights or entering a discussion – and be sure that everyone is aware of it so that you can follow through in the night.
For those teens who go out for a late-night coffee or spend a few hours on-line prior to turning off the lights, a clear expression of lights out time, along with some planning about what needs to happen prior is essential. Most teens require 8.5 – 9 hours of sleep a night. If they are getting up at 7am, they need to be sleeping at 10pm. Working backwards, this means that the bedtime routine needs to start before that. Many parents of teens never even consider discussing bedtimes with their kids but it is critical for their development, academic success and health. Other suggestions for helping your adolescent to sleep are
• Decrease caffeine use close to bedtime
• Keep the room darkened at night and then open blinds in the morning
• Remove technology (cell-phones, computers) from the bedroom and decrease on-line activities prior to sleep
There will always be special occasions and activities that will get in the way of sleep patterns. Making those the exception rather than the rule will go a long way to keeping your children sleeping well. Knowing that there are solutions to the sleep problems of our older children is a great first step in finding the courage to make a plan to find the solution that works for your family. Sweet Dreams!
This article is reprinted with permission from Julie Freedman Smith and Gail Bell of Parenting Power™.
They believe that there is more than one “Right way to parent.” Using over 40 years of combined experience, Julie and Gail have inspired thousands of parents to Parent with a Plan™. Their toll-free parenting courses, recordings, magazine articles and telephone coaching help to ease the stress and guilt of parents while providing practical solutions to everyday parenting difficulties.
Visit www.parentingpower.ca. Contact them today at info@parentingpower.ca to get your free copy of Five Ways to stay Confident, Capable, Calm.
