I remember well the angsty days of teenage life. Oh the insecurities and the fears and the tears that were shed over the everyday tragedies such as “I just have nothing to wear. Gah!” As if there wasn’t enough drama with raging hormones and the awkwardness of being trpped between childhood and adulthood, a dating relationship always seemed to throw one more wrench in my so called life as a teenager.
I remember a certain piece of advice I received as a young teen to tread carefully into the world of dating. “Dating doesn’t need to be taken too seriously when you’re this young,” a mentor adviced. “Have fun, but protect your heart.” To which I scoffed, rolled my eyes and went on my merry way with the boy I just knew I was destined to be with for the rest of my life.
I wish I could remember his name…
Looking back on those years behind the veil of maturity and perspective, I see the point my mentor was driving home. I find it alarming (and a tell tale sign that I am getting old) when I see teeny boppers like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift sing about loving someone. They wax poetic on topics that are so much more mature than they, or their audience, which is usually comprised of giggly tweens who have barely let go of their baby dolls, can possibly understand or handle.
Add to that shows like Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill and others like them that portray teenagers as mini-adults weaving in and out of complex relationships and situations with glamour and ease. No wonder our teens are confused!
We all know that couple who has been together since high school, or even junior high. Those stories are sweet and special…and rare. So often, high school relationships are fleeting and fraught with emotion. But teenagers who don’t understand how much of life they still have ahead of them so often dive into an adult-like relationship only to have their hearts broken later. And sometimes, a broken heart, coupled with all the other angst that riddles a teenage life, can cause young adults to react in devastating and harmful ways.
So how can teenagers enjoy dating in a manner that is both fun and healthy?
First, teenagers need to be equipped with an awareness that life goes on after high school. They need to be given the confidence to date in a casual manner and not give their entire heart away. Girls especially need to quit envisioning themselves in white the moment they experience their first kiss with a new boyfriend. In fact, and I may have some who disagree, I don’t think teenagers need to say “I love you,” to each other in a dating relationship. Ever. Perhaps they do feel a genuine love for each other, but there is plenty of time for that feeling to be cultivated and shared as maturity seeps in.
Why not teach teens to simply enjoy their high school years and maintain a little innocence? Idealic? Perhaps. Possible? I think so. But the fact remains that teenagers are hormonal beings. Many (not all) teenage girls are controlled by emotion and boys by physical urge. It’s hard to combat that with practicality. As parents, I think the best we can do is encourage our teens to have fun, not take life too seriously and maintain boundaries and perameters within the dating realm. It’s also important to teach our children from a young age to be secure in who they are apart from others. A relationship shouldn’t define two people, but rather two people should define the relationship. Dating doesn’t have to be serious, it can be fun!
Outside of that, however, it seems that most teenagers today will simply have to learn the same way the rest of us did- through tears, heartache and growth.
